I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
