my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
