Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
