The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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