just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i can't believe i had my finger in that
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ