I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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