Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize