I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize