Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
