Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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