ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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