I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
