As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
