had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
