it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
