You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
