i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
