My nipple is on Facebook.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
