I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
