I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
