Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
