I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize