people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
