i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
