if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
