would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
