He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
