i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
