The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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