U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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