I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
