my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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