Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
