i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
