he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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