dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
