the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
