I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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