I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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