I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
