is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
try to milk me bitch
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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