I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
