Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
