hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
