Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
