Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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