You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
