Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
