It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
