Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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