i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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