and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
