so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
