Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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