i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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