I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
