In the future we'll all be gay
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
