i think i have herpe
just one?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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