I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
