ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
