are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
