my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
