Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
