I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
