please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
