cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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