I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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