she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
