He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
